Once and Again
by apples an' nanas
Summary: AU Rayneela "I don’t care what you have to say now, because whatever you had to say, you should have said before you left." Old Love Dies Hard
1. London is Waiting

**Disclaimer: I don't own ER or anything associated with it. They all belong to their respectful owners. **

**A/N: **This is my first Reela fic. Reviews are much appreciated. Constructive criticisms, remarks, etc are all welcomed. Italics represent Ray's thoughts.

Happy Reading!

**Summary:** Neela leaves abruptly and Ray is shattered. He has to pick up the broken pieces comes to face the fact that there is such thing as fate. _(This story is definitely a Reela! No doubt! Intially it may seem not, but please bare with me it is going to be.) Not it isn't angsty..it may seem so...but it's kinda light hearted! ..._

**Prologue (London is waiting)**

Initially he just needed someone to help him split the rent. He could care less who it was. Sure enough, it was her. They made sure they would work opposite shifts to see less of each other. But damn the scheduling. He ended up working the same shifts as her. Then they slowly started to become friends. She made him realize his potential as a doctor. He helped her discover the risky side lost within a meek young girl. They soon started to enjoy each other's company more and more. And one fateful day, he looked into her eyes as she was about to go for a conference, she gazed into his. His feelings for her were confirmed, and he reckoned she felt the same. Falling in love was the last thing you expect from the king of night stands right?

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**2 years earlier**:

2 years. It had been two years when he had finally mustered the courage to confront her about his feelings. Yes, he was going to go home and tell her. Tell her about everything he felt. Tell her that she had changed him, made him stronger, better. Hell, she even became the best friend he ever had!

"_Just go home Barnett and tell her!"_

He eagerly went home that day only to be greeted by a note. His eyes wandered around the apartment. All of her things were gone.

"_What the …"_

He simply gazed down at the piece of paper.

_Dear Ray,_

_I don't know where to start. I know what you may be thinking as you read this. What the hell Neela… how can you leave like this? I assure you I didn't want to. I never intended to either. I just did. There are somethings you do in the spur of the moment. It may not make sense, but you just have to do them. This is one of those things. Nothing had been harder for me ever do than move out and not even give you a good rational reason. I sorry Ray. I truly am. That's all I can say. I am sorry for constantly nagging you. I am sorry for all the little useless bickering. I am sorry for this. The best thing to do is forget about this and move on. I guess I just need some space to think clearly. I need to go and find myself. Moving to America has made everything so hectic. I am going back to England to find my self. Hell, I don't even make sense right now. I guess all I am asking is that you be understanding of my choice and forgive me. You were the best roommate ever and if there is one last thing you can do for me (I know I am selfish)…can you please forgive me? I will always remember our cherished moments. You have no idea how much anguish this is causing. I know I can go on and on about this... For the last time, please forgive me for anything I may have done to hurt you. Who knows…maybe we will meet again._

_Yours and always yours,_

_Neela (A.K.A. semi-annoying roommate)_

Ray just stared at the paper. Just looking at it. He didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Everything seemed so surreal. He didn't know what to feel, he didn't want to feel. There were so many emotions running through him at once. Hurt…sorrow…anger…confusion….relief…

He felt hurt because she just left him like that with out a proper explanation.

He felt sorrow because he was hurt. He finally loved someone, he finally cared about someone more than life it self. He had cared… and then what? Yeah, he cared only to lose them.

"_Damn… "_

He felt anger, especially at her. How dare she! She thinks leaving a note will make him understand everything. No, fuck it wouldn't. She didn't even explain exactly as to why she left so abruptly.

He felt confusion because he was confused as to what he should be feeling. Yeah thinking about that made him even more baffled. Typical Barnett. confused about everything.

And somewhere in the corner of his mind, he felt relived. At least he didn't have to go on with confession of his feelings for her.

"_Damn…damn this, damn…Love is overrated anyways. "_

For a while, the word damn became his mantra. He would damn everything for whatever flaw he could think of.

"_Damn…damn…damn…"_

He didn't cry. He couldn't. He was feeling far too many things for that to happen. He knew he couldn't exist in that phase forever either. He knew somehow he would have to get over this, her, and move on. He was well aware that is was not going to be easy. He always heard people say how hard it was to forget one's first love. He just never anticipated it was going to be this difficult.

"………………………"

Ray didn't bother to think about the situation more and try to complicate it. He simply went to bed. He had an early shift and needed all the rest he could get. He couldn't just quit and start running from problems when things became complicated. Neela maybe could…but he wouldn't. He was stronger than that. What he really need now was some shut eye.

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**2 years later (present)**

His life had definitely picked up from two years ago. He couldn't and wouldn't halt his life waiting for Neela to come. He wasn't even sure that Neela would reciprocate the feelings he felt. He had right to be happy and find love in his life again. He couldn't be bound by his former feelings forever.

He dated, but very seldom. He didn't see the point in though when he constantly compared other girls to her, Neela. Why did he always manage to think about her when he made sure that he didn't want to remember anything associated with her?

"_Only god knows…"_

But then he become serious with one girl, Jane. Sure she was no Neela-_"See Neela again...god I'm hopeless,"_ -but she was as close as you can get. She was even British!

"_Jane…Jane...Jane…not Neela…JANE!!!!" _

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**Starbucks **

"Ray?" Jane was staring at Ray for a while now trying to break into his thoughts. They were sitting at coffee house looking rather cozy.

Jus then Ray realized someone was talking to him. "Oh sorry Jane…I was just thinking," Ray said a smoothly as possible.

"Ray Barnett...thinking…hmm so that's what the look is," joked Jane

"Oh yeah, always the funny one," Ray joked back.

"But seriously, I have lived in your side of the world and I have been getting homesick lately"

"So…." Ray was just plain confused. What was she trying to get at?

"Ok, I got two tickets to England without asking you. Butttttttttt, before you say anything…you have to come. I'll show my side of the world…you know pubs…friends… sight seeing. Plus it's my friends birthday. I'm sure you'll like her. And the tickets are non-refundable. So no excuse" Jane was practically on her knees.

"Uhh…yeah I guess. I'm on two week break anyways." Ray laughed as she jumped up to give him a tight hug.

"So when do we leave?"

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**London International Airport**

"Here we are…home sweet home," Jane was obviously excited to be back in England.

"Ohh yeah…it's just like Chicago," Ray replied with rather less excitement.

"Ray, darling, I know how you feel, but please try to contain your enthusiasm," Jane was a little pissed off at Ray's remark.

"Whatttttttt, I was just joking," Ray tried to sound sincere for once.

"Never mind, just help me load the bags into the taxi."

"Sure thing _London_…errr….Jane" Jane just glared at his pathetic comment.

"Thank god your looks make up for you corniness," Jane bantered playfully.

"Hurry up Jane…_London _is waiting" sing songed Ray snickering at the last comment.

If only Ray knew who else lived in London…but again that's fate right?

**Note:** Please tell me about you think of the story, etc.. THANKS!!! Yea I know it's corny at times, but it's going to get better!


	2. The Roommate

**A/N: **Continuing the SAGA!

**Chapter 2: The Roommate**

Ray and Jane pulled up to a pretty swanky side of London. High rises were swarming the place. The weather was also nice considering they were in England, which is notorious for its rain. They sky was a violet-purple hue in the evening. The air was humid and welcoming.

The taxi drive eventually pulled up to a gigantic building with a grand entrance. They loaded their belonging of from the vehicle and started to head towards the revolving doors.

"Your friend must be pretty loaded," commented Ray rather cheerfully.

"Yea, she and her roommate own a pretty wicked condo,"

As soon as they had entered the building, they made their way to the lift and onto the 17th floor. Music was playing softly into the background as they ascended. They finally reached to the top after what seemed like a five minute wait. They wasted no time to walk down the stretched hall for Ray and Jane were both tired.

"1122…1123…ah 1124. Well here it is," Jane was so glad she would be finally able to rest and freshen up given the fact that she and Ray had barely enough time to sleep in the very noisy economy class. Initially, Jane's knock was barely audible. She soon become impatient and started pounding hard.

"Coming! Bloody hell…" The voice sounded of a man Ray noticed.

"I thought you said your friend was a girl?" Ray asked with his eyebrows raised.

"That's her room-mate, she probably is out," Jane was just about to barge in the door if he didn't come in the next few seconds. She was just too tired to be standing there with arms full of luggage.

Just then the door swung open.

"Jane- so nice to finally see you again" On the other side of the door stood a man about Ray's height. His hair was in dirty blond shag. He had piercing blue eyes, which resembled the colour of frost. He was wearing a Duran Duran T-shirt, which highlighted his lean and fit body paired with ripped jeans. From the looks of it, he also looked like rocker much like Ray. The man and Jane soon embraced in a tight hug.

"It's nice to be back," replied Jane. She then retracted from the embrace and introduced Ray. "Uh, this is my boyfriend, Ray."

"Ray, nice to meet you. I'm Jake. Heard a lot about you from Jane," Jake had a warm smile on his face and let out his hand.

"Good things I hope," Ray replied friendly and let out a small chuckle. Ray shook his hand and was surprised at his grip.

"Yeah, only the good things," Jake noticed that they were still in the hallway with all of their luggage. "Why don't you guys come in…here I'll help you with that Jane."

Ray was bedazzled. _"He must have a recording deal or something to afford this place…" _The interior of the condo was nicely decorated. What was even greater was the view form the balcony. It overlooked the other high rises and also provided a nice view of the pool and a nearby park. Ray's thoughts were soon interrupted by Jake's voice.

"Umm this is only a two bedroom place. I know my roommate won't be psyched with idea of sharing the same room as me for two weeks and you won't be exactly chipper about Jane and I sharing rooms- So, I was thinking if we let the girls share one room and the guys have the other?" Jake was hoping he wasn't sounding like the biggest idiot babbling utter rubbish. But the look on Ray's face seemed to confirm his theory more.

"Umm, yeah, sure- I understand. So where do I put my stuff." Ray thought sleeping in an actual room was better than spending two weeks crashed on a sofa.

"Uh, right this way. You can put your stuff on the bed. Jane, you can get comfortable in the other bedroom and please take a shower by all means"

"Thanks Jake. See you guys in couple of minutes." Jane was obviously pleased with Jake's suggestions. She also intended to take more than few minutes.

Ray entered the bedroom and the first thing he noticed was an electric guitar set on a stand in the corner of an enormous room. _"Great…aren't we all rock stars"_ He then noticed the other aspects of the room. It was pretty neat considering it was rocker's room. He placed his stuff down on the spare bed, it was actually an air bed, but comfy nonetheless. Just then Jake walked in

"So I see you're settled in."

"Yeah, yeah…you play the guitar?" Ray was curious about his skills and qualifications at the instrument.

"Yeah, actually I'm in a band as a side thing. From the looks of it, you look like you know a lot about the instrument,"

"Yeah, I'm also in a band. Lead singer and guitarist"

"Cool"

Suddenly there is a knock at the door.

"I guess that's my roommate. She forgot her keys- again" Jake let out a small laughter

"Hey man, do you mind if I grab a quick shower?" Ray really needed to freshen up or he might just loose it.

"Sure. Jane's in the other bathroom, you can use mine- it's on the left" Jake left to answer the door.

Ray gathered his spare clothes and a towel and headed off to the bathroom. _"Sweet…"_

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Jake opened the door to find his roommate in a more chipper mood.

"Hey, you look in good mood today. Couldn't wait to see me right," Jake replied with a grin knowing if he didn't stop soon his roommate might just slap him.

"You know I live for you Jake," replied the petite, dark haired lady.

"Oh yeah, Jane and her bloke are her. I told Jane she'll stay in your room,"

"She's here! Oh my god I totally forgot. It's been ages since I last saw her," Jake's roommate was definitely excited.

She ran to her room and luckily Jane was fully dressed form her previous shower.

"Jane, geez, it has been ages. How are you keeping," The girl practically knocked over Jane.

"Hey, I'm well. Nice to see you too _Neela_,"

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In the other room, Ray was getting dressed from his much-needed shower. From the other room he heard some girl practically squealing.

"_Wow.." _Ray just chuckled inwardly. His ears then stood up, he stopped what he was doing and started to listen intently. He…he just thought he heard….Neela…

"_No I must be losing my mind."_

**Note: If you review...you make me happy..and in the process you make yourselves happy!**


	3. Catching Up

**A/N:** Thank you for the people who did review (thanks **Emanuela11, neefer88, siddika** e-hugs) and put me out of my misery thinking this story was a lost cause!!!! I know the story is corny at times…but….i dunno! I just realized people might be confused of my lingo, being a Brit, I tried to "Americanize" my writing, but there are still some differences. I also noticed some errors and tried to revise them...Ok enough and on with the story!!!

Jane, Jake, and Neela all headed off to the living room. Jake went to his room to check on Ray.

He knocked at the door. "You alright in there?"

Ray opened the door. "Yeah, I'm ready. Again thanks for everything man."

Jake smiled, "No problem. You wanna join us in the living room? We are just catching up on each other"

"Uh sure"

Jake and Ray entered the living room to be greeted by the back of Jane and Jake's roommate's head.

"_Brunette..."_ Ray muttered to himself noticing the girl's hair colour.

Out of nowhere, Ray's cell phone starts to ring. "I better get this," Ray said noticing the caller id. He then proceeded to Jake's room to answer his call.

* * *

When the phone had rung, Neela and Jane turned their head towards the distraction. Neela noticed the hands from where the noise was coming from. They seemed quite familiar. She then slowly gazed up to actually see the person's face. 

She noticed brown hair, kept untidy, hazel eyes… "_Ohh boy"_

Jake and Jane headed towards the kitchen. Jane didn't have a decent meal ever since…ever since landing. Neela just sat on the couch dazed. How the hell was she going to get out of this? She left him…the point was to never see him again. That "stalker" followed her all the way here.

* * *

Neela shut her eyes tight and flailed her head violently. _"Bloody hell…" _She tried to laugh at the situation…she knew she couldn't run from this. The truth was, she was tired of running away from everything. That's all she ever could think of doing when life become too hard to decipher. She was also fully aware of the fact that she brought this on herself. If she only told him. 

"_Bloody hell Ray…"_

She just sank into the sofa and let out a huge sigh. Her plan was just to sit there and act as if she didn't realize Ray was there. She will wait for him to make the first move when he acknowledges her presence.

She wished he wouldn't call her out in front of everyone. Or even worse… _"what if my leaving suddenly hadn't dazed him at all?_..." She would be more hurt to know that he didn't wouldn't care enough as to what she did.

"_Just stop thinking Neela and making things more complicate than they really are…" _With that, Neela let out yet another large sigh.

* * *

Jake and Jane came and sat on either side of Neela with their beer and pasta. Then entered Ray looking at his phone. 

"Who was it," Jane was curious as to who called.

"Oh, it was a buddy of mine; you remember Brett right?" Jane nods her head. Neela's stomach is churning uncontrollably.

"Well yeah, he called."

"If you are hungry, there is a beer in the fridge and pasta is in the microwave," Jake offered.

"Thanks," and with that Ray headed towards the kitchen. He then came out with beer in one hand and a plate in the other. He looked around the living to find a spot to sit. He looked down the sofa…there was Jake. There was Jane. When he noticed who exactly Jake's roommate was, he lost balance. But luckily, he didn't fall. He had just skimmed her face…maybe he was seeing things now. He did a double take. Nope, he did see right the first time, it was her. This time Ray wasn't so lucky. He tripped over his own foot, however you do that, and went crashing down on the sofa opposite of where _Neela_ was sitting.

"Damn it…" He helped himself get back up. What the hell was he going to do now?

* * *

**Plese review:** It can be about anythig that came up in your mind while reading the story...I would also love to hear about your ideas for the story...Sorry for the short chapter! 


	4. Words Unsaid

**A/N: **Again, thanks to people who are interested in the story, have read and reviewed. You guys rock! This chapter maybe a little weird. Umm I don't know how serious cuts can be so...just have a very open mind while reading this.

Italics represent the characters' thoughts.

* * *

**Chapter 4:** Words Unsaid

Neela was just waiting. Waiting for him to notice. Waiting for him to do something about it goddamn it! He came out of the kitchen and was searching for a place to sit. His eyes were wandering around then found their place at the sofa. His gape went from Jake to Jane then to her. His eyes narrowed.

"_Oh shit…" _She knew now that he knew who she was.

He almost tripped due to the shock. After he caught his balance, he looked at her again, this time almost squinting his eyes. To his luck, he tripped again on his own foot and fell against the sofa. The beer bottle had shattered and spilled everywhere. The plate with the pasta was upside down against the wooden floor. She heard him swear and saw him help himself up.

"_Did he trip because of me?"_ Neela was engrossed by the idea of her indirectly tripping him due to the shock of seeing her. Or maybe Neela was being too egocentric to think that everything was about her.

* * *

"You ok?" Jane finally broke the silence. She had the most unusual smirk on her face for she was trying her best not burst out in laughter.

Ray didn't say anything. He just stared at Neela. He was waiting for her to meet his gaze. _"Look at me damn it!"_ She on the other hand, was doing everything in her power not to make note of the situation, but more importantly him.

"Neela, do you mind helping Ray with that, my hands are full," Jake said looking at her inquisitively.

Neela wasn't paying attention to a word that came out of Jake's mandible. When she heard Ray's name, she snapped her head into reality.

"Huh-what?" Neela had a red tinge to her face. Jake just pointed at Ray.

Neela looked intently at Ray. For the first time they were looking at each other, face to face, at the same time. She just kept staring.

As clichéd it may sound, it was as if time had been stopped, and the only two people who were unaffected by it were Ray and Neela.

What the hell was suppose to say. _"Sorry?"_ No, what she did was beyond a stupid sorry. Ray broke their "staring contest" by blinking. Neela then realized how stupid she must be looking just staring at him. She moved her eyes to the floor but Ray kept on staring at her.

"Oh that- yea sure." Neela's face was pale as….pale as….it was so pale that there can be no comparison to anything.

* * *

She went to the kitchen and came back with a washcloth and wastebasket. She picked up the plate and set it on the table. She then continued on to picking up the pasta strands and threw the clump into the dustbin. She used the washcloth to clean the residue left on the floor by the pasta sauce. Then came the hard part of picking up what looked like gazillion pieces of glass from the beer bottle.

As Neela cleaned up, Ray just stared at her. God, he had been staring at her awful lot. He thought he might offer her a hand rather than just hovering over her.

"Here, lemme help you with that." That was all he managed to say; he couldn't trust himself with anything else. He bent down to help pick up the pieces glass.

"Thanks," Neela said in very small voice.

She was meticulous on picking up the glass shards. Despite her caution, she managed to get herself pricked. The damned thing was a little smaller than a thumbnail and had went half way through the tip of her ring finger. She took the damn thing out and it hurt colossally. She couldn't afford to make another idiotic statement. So she bit her tongue to hide the pain.

"_Great…this is what I was missing from life"_ She stopped to analyze her finger and control the bleeding. The bleeding stopped and then she proceeded to picking up the remaining pieces. The finger started to bleed again, this time more profoundly. She ignored it and told herself she would bandage it later.

Ray had noticed Neela's bleeding finger. At first, it seemed minuscule but then the bleeding intensified. Ray didn't want to say anything to her, but he didn't want her to bleed to death either, as unlikely that maybe.

"You might wanna get that," Ray said pointing at Neela's finger. Neela glanced at her finger.

"Umm, no it's fine," Neela really wanted to drop the conversation.

Ray kept on pushing the situation. "Come on Neela, it looks pretty bad and the blood is getting everywhere. Here let me help you." He hesitated, looked at her, and then took her hand to get a better view of her injury.

"Yeah the thing left a nasty cut. Some Neosporin and bandage should help heal it though," Ray said indifferently.

His eyes settled on her face and offered a weak smile. He traced his finger over the cut and she flinched.

"Sorry,"

"It's ok." That was all she could muster to say.

* * *

Neela was confused. He wasn't as mad at her as she thought he would be; or at least should be. She got up to get bandages. He followed her to help. There was no way she could bandage herself with blood running down her hand like that.

Neela was now even more perplexed. Why the hell was he following her? He wanted an explanation for something that happened two years ago?

"_Couldn't he pick a better time than right now when my hand is completely bloody?" _

Neela just ignored his presence. She went to the bathroom and ran her finger down a small stream of warm water. She then went to the cupboard to find some band-aids. She found one and fidgeted with the wrapper in efforts of opening it.

Ray noticed her struggle. He didn't say anything, he merely took the band-aid out of her hands, and opened it. He rubbed the Neosporin on the cut and wrapped the bandage around her finger.

* * *

Neela was confused as to what to do now?

She was tired- she had a long day ahead of her.

She had been bleeding like crazy- and the cut still hurt like hell.

She was confused- what was she supposed to say to Ray and why was he being so nice.

She was scared- she was afraid of his reactions.

And lastly, she hated Jake.

_"Couldn't he have gotten up and helped Ray. Nooooo, that idiot was too busy eating! And I freakin' slit my finger!" _

* * *

"Pig head Jake…" Neela muttered

"What?" Ray said in high voice along with a weird expression on his face. What the hell was she saying?

"Nothing,"

With that Ray turned to leave.

Despite the circumstances, she became certain of one thing. She had to talk to him. He deserved an explanation. To hell with all of her insecurities. She had to get this off of her chest. With her heart set, she set off to speak her mind. And so she began.

"Ray…"

Ray stopped in his path.

* * *


	5. Words Said

**A/N:** Thank you all for the reviews! You make my world go round. I had a lot of trouble with this chapter. I first wanted Neela to hallucinate the whole conversation, but the more I got into it, the more it fit the situation. So they actually talk now for the first time in two years. It's also a little more angst and seriousness compared to the previous chapters, but rest assured, it will be back to being care-free for a while! I wrote this pretty quick…so if you guy find any mistakes please tell me!

Again italics represent characters' thoughts.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Words Said**

When Neela called Ray's name, there were two things she could do: Either tell him the truth up front, or just make a crummy excuse about why she exactly called out his name.

_What the hell; just tell him!_

Ray had turned around and was scrutinizing Neela's face before replying.

"Yeah…" His reply was audibly hesitant.

"Ummm…, I don't know how to express what I want to say…" _I am babbling._

Neela noticed the way Ray was studying her face.

_Yeah, keep on looking at me like I'm a complete idiot Ray. You just do that! _

" Umm Ok, ahh… just hear me out…please…" Neela was looking for any signs that might tell her that Ray was actually paying attention to the "pearls of wisdom" dropping from her mouth. No such luck.

_Ok; it's a given, I am a complete babbling idiot. And it would be a hell of a lot easier if he weren't staring so intently. My face is not that fascinating…well maybe it is after you leave like a bloody coward. Even god can't possibly help me!!!!!! Quick! Talk before he thinks you are hallucinating in front of his eyes._

Ray doesn't bother to make any movements that might imply his acknowledgement of Neela's plea. Nope, none whatsoever. He just continues on focusing on Neela's face as if it were some intricate painting at an exhibition. Or it may be the complete opposite; what if that look on his face amounted to all of the anger that he had suppressed for the last two years.

He becomes a little impatient when he sees Neela just staring right back at him. She looks like she's struggling to say something.

Before Ray could say anything, Neela began again, this time hoping to get her point across.

"I know, that this isn't the right time, place, or how ever many times I might apologise, nothing is a good enough reason for why I left with out even bothering to think how it may have affected you. I am really sorry, I can't stress that enough. I don't know what to do or say to express how truly guilty and…well sorry I feel. I am sorry; truly, genuinely, sincerely sorry." _Wow that was a mouthful…_

Ray, again for what seems to be the millionth time, examines her face before answering.

"You know what, I don't really care. I really don't care any more. In fact, I don't care what you have to say now, because whatever you had to say, you should have said before you left. I gave up Neela! And no 'sorry' can fix that!" Ray's voice was notably getting louder.

"Ray…" Neela tried to coax him. His serious gaze was starting to frighten her. And now tears were threatening to fall from her eyes.

"No! Don't try to make me understand! Trust me, I have done enough of that already!" The vein on his neck started to throb uncontrollably.

He looked down at his hands and his temper seemed to have cooled off a little. He lets out a small chuckle before he begins again, "At first I was freakin' pissed. I always sat in my bed staring at the ceiling figuring out what the hell did I do wrong. What could I have possibly done to drive you away like that? Was I so barbaric? Was I that bad? I knew I had problems, but the trouble that I had endure was not worth it Neela. But then the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I did nothing wrong. In fact, it was you who played me. What did you gain from toying with my feelings? I only tried to be your friend."

Ray's words shocked Neela into the cruel reality. She had never meant to hurt Ray. She never anticipated causing this much anguish. And she knew this, Ray may not, but she did.

* * *

She knew why…she knew why she had to leave. 

She just couldn't be around Ray; he made her feel insecure about herself. She always found herself comparing to the girls he brought home. She couldn't take it anymore damn it. She couldn't handle putting herself down, feeling so low around him all the time. And above all, she didn't want him to find that she had a ridiculous crush on him. She didn't want to know how uncomfortable he might feel once he found out. She didn't want to go through the embarrassment. That's why she left.

She just couldn't tell him. She couldn't tell him any of that.

Another problem was that she never thought. That's what her problem was. She never thought. In fact, the only person she ever thought about was herself. She just thought about her humiliation rather than what it might have done to Ray.

_Ray; yeah your best friend...Ray; yeah your roommate….Ray; yeah your ridiculous crush…_

_Ray-.I'm so sorry…_

Ray interrupted Neela's thought. "But you know what, it's ok. I'm over it now. I grew up. And then there is Jane."

As soon as Ray mentioned Jane's name, she felt hot and clammy. She had totally forgotten that Ray and Jane were in a relationship. She would have to forget about her past now more than ever for the sake of her friend. She couldn't do that to Jane, her best friend who was there for her ever since they were children. She would have to bury her feelings forever for the sake of three people. Her, Ray, and most importantly for her friend.

"Again, I am really sorry. And I am more than happy for you to have found someone who cares about you sincerely." She tried hard to sound cheerful about it.

"Thanks" he shrugged putting his hands in his pockets. Neither of them didn't know what to do now.

At random, Jane comes up and breaks the silence.

"Are you alright Neela?" Jane asked with an obvious tone of concern in her voice while examining her hand.

"Umm yeah, I'm fine now. Thanks," Neela replied with a faint smile on her delicate face.

"Ok, we are starting a movie in the lounge, you guys coming?"

Ray seemed indifferent. "Umm, sure" He started to walk off.

"Neela?" Jane was eyeing her with curiosity.

"Uhh….," Neela was hesitant. "Sure why not."

Both Jane and Neela started head off into the lounge together.

* * *

Neela was really tired and afraid about facing Ray for the next two weeks. 

Ray was just trying to forget about the conversation that he had with Neela.

Jane was bloated from the pasta.

Jake was totally drunk at this point. He had way too many beers. Way too many.

* * *

I tried to end on a lighter note. :) Please review! Thanks! 


	6. Hidden Feelings

**A/N:** Thanks for the reviews. You guys are GREAT. This chapter was also written in haste thus I did not get to revise. Please point out mistakes that you may have come across. Thanks. Apologize for the short length of the chapter. Italicthoughts

* * *

**Chapter 6: Hidden Feelings**

A Ray entered the drawing room, he spotted Jake putting the movie in the player. He sat on the sofa facing right in front of the plasma.

Out of the corner of the room, Jane and Neela walk in. Jane notices the spot next to Ray empty and made herself comfortable. Ray acknowledges her presence by putting his arm around her and pulling her closer to him.

Neela saw this gesture on Ray's part, but unsurprisingly, she did feel reluctance to accepting the situation. Maybe it was due to the fact that her friend deserved all the support and none of the betrayal. She was well aware of the fact that she had her chance to voice her mind before, but she willingly didn't. Caught up in her own thoughts, she forgot that she was definitely not the type of girl Ray remotely would be interested in. She quickly dismissed the thought and sat on the sofa next to the one Ray and Jane occupied.

As the title screen came up, Neela groaned inwardly.

"_Great, another horror flick!"_

Jake noticed Neela's lack of enthusiasm. "Come on Neel, Freddy VS. Jason isn't that bad."

Neela just huffed. The room suddenly felt cold to her. There was a draft coming from some bloody where. She couldn't help but shiver. Jake noticed her bodily reaction to the temperature. He grabbed the sofa throw and covered her with it.

"Thanks Jake," Neela thought he was being sweet. Ray noticed Jake's sincerity and tried to shrug it off. So what if Jake cared for Neela in a seemingly romantic way. He had Jane. And with that established, he pulled Jane closer to him.

"Your welcome…hey I'm also cold can," Jake was cut off by Neela offering him one side of the throw. They both scooted towards each other to get more comfortable. Ray made sure his eyes were glued to the television.

During the movie, Neela let out barely audible gasps. She would flinch at the suspenseful scenes and would put her face in Jake's chest at the gory scenes. Jake couldn't help but chuckle whenever she did that. She seemed so vulnerable. Ray just concentrated on not letting his gaze fall down to Neela and Jake looking more comfortable than him and Jane.

* * *

The remainder of the movie, Neela thought about the current condition at hand. Her and Jake had met through Jane. Jake was in need of a roommate and Neela was new to the city from Chicago. She was also in dire need of a place to stay. They decided to become roommates. 

She was aware that Jake had a physical appeal that she found interesting. He was very good looking guy and she didn't deny that fact. Sitting next to him right now made her think more about her seldom thought about relationship with him. The more they were together in confined places, the more she found him attractive. The way he did things, his abilities as a dedicated musician. Everything about him started to seem fascinating. It all reminded her of one person and that was Ray. God, why did she always find everything to relate towards him. She knew he could not have him. He was Jane's. She also knew that she didn't plan to live her life as a celibate. So why did she always shut out the idea of dating someone else?

She was tired of thinking and over thinking. She just felt tired and could care less about the movie right now. She felt bold, she placed her head in Jake's lap and closed her eyes. Jake noticed her head in his lap and smiled. He brought his hand up to her head and started to stroke her hair. The soothing movements of his hands lulled her to sleep quickly. That's when it hit her. Just maybe, just maybe Jake could be the one. The one that would help her forget her unwanted feelings towards Ray.

* * *

His eyes widened when she put her head into his lap and even more when Jake started to stroke her hair. He thought he was being irrational. He had Jane. And even if he did need Neela, he only expected a mutual friendship with her and nothing more. He looked down at Jane who was snuggled against his side. He smiled to himself. 

_"Time will heal all wounds Ray"_

* * *

The movie was now over, and Jake didn't have the heart to wake Neela up. He just picked her up and carried her to her room. Ray didn't let Jake's action bother him. But he only knew how bad it was messing him up seeing all of this. Seeing her being cared for by another man. Another man that she let get so close to her. Every time he saw them together, they seemed so in-sync with each other. Like they were made for each other. It made Ray feel like he and Neela weren't made for each other. 

"_Why is it that every time I tell myself I'm over it, I keep thinking about the loss?" _

As Ray noticed Jake's retreating back, he realized that it was pretty late. "Come on Jane, we better get some sleep."

Jane didn't respond. She looked dozed. He helped her up and she leaned against him. They walked together to Neela's room As Ray entered the room, he noticed Jake laying Neela on her bed and lightly kissed her forehead. He then walked over to Jane's bed and told Ray and Jane goodnight.

When Ray was sure Jane was asleep, he walked towards Jake's room. At this point, he had mixed feelings about Jake. He obviously cared about Neela and it appeared so did Neela. However, he could not help but anticipate envy. He once used to hold Jake's title before. He used to be the one who would comfort and console Neela when life became too much to bare.

_"Yea...Jake would make the perfect guy…"_

* * *

**Note:** Reviews would be nice…who am I kidding…they would be great. Thanks! 


	7. Coming to terms

**A/N:** Many thanks to people who reviewed for the last chapter. Yeah, things seem to go slowly here. I was just watching Four Weddings and a Funeral reminding of the whole Ray and Neela scenario. Yes, its quite sad. (Oh, and Harry Potter lives! Read the book in 6 hours…new record!) My apologies for this late update. I'm kind of stuck with what to throw at the characters next. Your outlooks are appreciated. As always, please notify of any error since this was also written in haste.

_Italics thoughts_

* * *

Ray woke up to the sunshine of London shining in his face. The events from yesterday had him beat. Neela and Jake...what more did he need? He got out of the airbed which was more comfortable than it looked. Ray looked around the room to see if Jake was awake, and so he was. His bed had been made, and he probably had even taken a shower by now. He went to the bathroom and the image he saw in the mirror was far from pretty. His hair was tossed in every direction. The bags under his eyes were so heavy that one can safely say that they might have been on vacation. 

_"UHhhh..."_ he groaned

* * *

He got out of the shower looking much more like himself. He went to the kitchen to see Jake making breakfast for everyone. 

"Good morning mate," said a jovial Jake.

"Hey, making breakfast?"

"Yea, French toast with berry smoothie, or pancakes with OJ; which ever you prefer."

"Can't wait, cause I'm starvin'" Ray replied patting his stomach.

"Do you, uh, mind waking up the gals for me, I got to preoccupied with cooking," Jake smiled.

"Sure,"

_"Gals? Is he calling them mules?"_

* * *

Ray made his way through to Neela's room. There before him, was the sight of two females with their mane of hair spread everywhere. Ray walked over to Jane to wake her up, but she beat him to the chase. She stirred for a while and looked intently at Ray. 

"You're up," she briefly glanced at the alarm clock, which read 6:45, "early."

He smirked, "well yeah, but you aren't, now off to the bathroom you go." He helped her get up and directed her to the bathroom. Along the way, Jane mumbled some indistinguishable nonsense and stumbled. Ray smiled inside; she definitely wasn't a morning person. Speaking of which, Neela definitely was, why the hell is she still in bed?

He walked over to her in attempt to stir her into the land of living. At first, he nudged her softly and whispered her name. No reaction to him what so ever. She was apparently still deep in her slumber.

"Neela," this time he was more forceful, "wake up."

Still nothing.

"Neela, wake up!" She merely turned the other way facing away from him.

"NEELA!" He was screaming to wake someone up. What an idiotic gesture.

The high decibel capacity of someone obviously screaming, jolted her into waking up. She was caught off guard and she almost, key word being almost, fell off the bed.

"Whoa there, " Ray took hold off Neela as she almost rolled off her bed.

"S-sorry," she replied meekly when realizing who the person was. She eventually sat straight up and rubbed her weary eyes.

"It's alright, you might wanna hit the showers to actually wake up," he smiled as he noticed her eyes fighting to stay from shutting.

"Yea, you're probably right," she smiled. She got up to get her towel.

* * *

Ray left the room, finding something odd about the events of today as of yet. Talking with Neela has become less tense than before. Before, it was reminding him of all the raw, hidden, unexposed emotions that were very seldom talked about. Now, he feels his life is getting some-what better that before. He may just be able to stomach the possibility of Jake and Neela. What ever would be in her best interest and happiness, would have to float his boat. 

"_Float-my boat?...what is up with my choice of words that express my sentiments today?"_

He headed of to the kitchen to see if Jake had made any progress with the breakfast.

Jake had actually made some progress, he had finished cooking breakfast and Ray was ready to start grubbing as unattractive that may sound.

"Hey, you're done," Ray said with another stupid grin on his face.

"What, yeah, yea," Jake said eyeing Ray weirdly.

Jane just entered the seen hugging Ray from the back.

"Hey you," Jane mumbled into his back.

"You look better," which was true might Ray add.

"Shut-up," she mock punched his back.

"Jane," Jake interrupted Jane and Ray, "You remember Josh right?"

"Yeah, the drummer,"

Jake nodded his head. "Well, he wound up in the hospital.

"For what exactly?" Jane was looking at Jake intently.

"I dunno, John just told me and you to come down there as soon as possible."

"Oh my god, uhh ok, well I'll get my bag…you ready?" Jane was thinking of everything negative that could have happened to Josh.

"Yea, I'll meet you in the car downstairs" Jake rushed out the flat and to his car.

Jane came out of the room with her bag and gave Ray a quick peck on the cheek.

"Sorry about this Ray, god knows when I'll see you today, umm well there is Neela. Just don't bother her too much." Jane smiled thinking of how pestering and badgering he can be.

"I'll try not to," he replied dimly. Him and Neela. Together. In the confinement of this flat. With all of that tension still not resolved. Hey, it was like a walk in the park.

"_That's just great."_

"And Ray," Jane turned her neck from the door.

"Yea,"

"Don't try to have too much fun," She lightly slammed the door and left.

* * *

Ray frowned. All the thinking made him hungry and he went to eat the wonderful breakfast courtesy of Jake. 

"_Well, Neela wouldn't have to worry about her cooking, Jake definitely dominates that department." _Ray smiled remembering the time when Neela baked "the worst cookies in the history of baking".

As soon as he was about to take another bite, Neela's screaming yelp caught his attention. Ray instantly ran to where the noise was coming from.

"_What could have possibly happened now?"_

"Coming!"

* * *

Reviews would help with the inspiration. Oh, and as some of you pointed out, in the 1st chapter, Jane mentioned her friend's birthday. As of yet, I still haven't decided who it should be. It's between Jake and Neela. I don't know which one would make for a better story. If you could include your two cents in helping me figure out the potential future plots for Ray and Neela. Many thanks again! So again, Jake or Neela? 


	8. First Love Dies Hard

**A/N:**I am such a liar and apologize for that. I just did not have time with school and all….but, school is now officially over and I am going to write like there is no tomorrow. I am also disappointed in the lack of enthusiasm from the Ray/Neela community…..Have some faith you guys…even if the ER writers are potentially writing under the influence of LSD…ok bad joke.

And on with the story.

* * *

Ray dashed into the her room trying to imagine as to what could possibly be going on.

"Whaa….t?" Ray was absolutely baffeled. Neela was standing in the room with nothing but her towel wrapped around her. Her hair was still wet and clinging to her neck. Ray tried not to stare with trying being the operative word.

"What what," Neela said with an unusual smirk on her face. What was he going at?

"I definitely heard a scream, unless Jake was trying to screw me over and spike my breakfast and now I am delusional," Ray laughed a small laugh all while shuffling his feet and rubbing the back of his neck.

Neela was smiling a big Chesire cat smile that was squiggled across her face. She opened her mouth to explain but couldn't take it anymore. She just busted out laughing and kept on laughing 'till it hurt all over, especially her stomach.

Ray didn't know what she was on or was she going mental before his eyes. But he did notice that the more she laughed, the more her towel slipped and well he was not sure what to make of it.

"Nee-"

He was cut off again with Neela trying to explain. "No, Ray, I wa-" And then she started giggling her giggle for the umpteenth time. The more she thought about the situation, the more she laughed. It was one of those moments where you find something so funny and try to re-tell the story but you can barely tell the story all because you are laughing so hard just thinking about it. She eventually got over her "fit" and tried to pace her breathing.

"Uhh, Neela" Ray was annoyed by the fact that he just stood there looking at her laughing and god knows what and Ray just doing the cha-cha with his feet.

"I am sorry Ray. I turned on the radio and the screaming was the song not me. It was just so funny that you…" she started to slow down by each word because the look on Ray's face was scaring her. He looked so pissed.

"It was a fucking radio?"

She pointed to it in the corner by her window.

"Don't I feel like a dumb-ass?"

Neela just smiled. "Hey, it beats me being in actual trouble!"

Ray nodded his head and smiled.

* * *

Then it suddenly hit Neela like a belly-flop sting. She was there in front of Ray practically naked and the only barrier between her nakedness was a towel, which teased just above her knees. At that thought, she just clutched to towel even harder, knuckles whitening.

"Are Jake and Jane still here," Neela hadn't seen or heard them yet, and the house was the quietest it had been since they were sleeping.

"No, they had to leave. A friend was in the hospital."

"Oh," that was all the Neela could manage.

"_That's why the house is so quiet"_

Ray finally realized the fact that Neela was probably not going to fancy the idea of perusing around the house in a towel, or start to change in front of him. He decided to go back to his breakfast and leave her to change.

"Uhh, Jake made breakfast, so just come out when you are dressed,"

"Alright" that was all Neela managed to say.

* * *

Ray walked out and quietly shut the door behind him. He nodded his head and sighed….

"_Another day in my life."_

Neela sat their in the room putting on her pants, just then figuring out that they are the only ones in the apartment. It was going to be so….Neela opted for the word _Interesting._

Neela walked out of her room and sat down on the counter to grab her breakfast. She was starving and Jake was a kick-ass cook, and it was a given that he totally kicked hers when it came to cooking. Speaking of Jake, she totally forgot that his birthday was coming up. She still didn't what she would get him.

"_What to do, what to do"_

Ray turned away from the newspaper to acknowledge her presence. Her hair dried up all wavy and voluminous, she was looking rather…he forced his mind not to go there.

"_God damn, it's been two years and I am still hung up over her…" _

Ray tried to rationalize_, "Well you can't exactly blame me, it always gets complicated with her"_

Neela stopped in the middle of her pancake bite when she say Ray rolling his eyes to the back of his head and venting a small sigh.

"What," she asked

"Ah, nothing," Ray went back to his newspaper clearing his throat.

Neela found this the perfect time to ask him questions about County and well County. They seemed good enough, and for some reason, they didn't seem so awkward towards each other as they were yesterday.

"So, how's everyone at County." She asked timidly, just barely scratching the surface with her voice

Ray's ear shot up but he kept looking at the newspaper. He took the time and meticulously folded the paper over and rested his hands on the table. He then proceeded to open his mouth to reply.

"Oh, they are doing great, or as you would like to say it, chuffed," He smiled a genuine "Ray" smile.

She too smiled back because it happens to be that his smile is a contagious plague. "Yea, that is always good to hear."

God, he missed this banter and the familiarity with Neela. His smile faded instantaneously as he thought about the events from yesterday. He was so wound up and coiled around his own problems that he never gave Neela the chance to justify herself. He didn't know what the hell had happened to her these last two years. He didn't want to be mad and continue on this unnecessary grudge for the sake of his pride and at the risk of one of his most important friendships. And so he began:

"I, uh, Neela…I know this maybe the wrong time to tell you this but, uh, I, uh,…" He paused to stare at Neela through her dark eyes.

Neela just looked at him attentively, with a little crease folded between her eyebrows. Her facial expressions were encouraging him to spit out the words.

"I, just wanna say, that, I, uh,"

* * *

Hey you guys, again! Yeah, this chapter was pretty slow, but hopefully the events will gain momentum. It's bound to get better with Ray and Neela all alone in the apartment, together, with no one else, but each other, and their hidden feelings inside...ohhh it's gonna be fun to write.

Review if you love me and life! Or if you only love life...that's fine too! PLEASE


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